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0103 – A small group participated in a improvisation movement session. Each participant was asked to chose one moment during the session in which they experienced some amount of awkwardness, confusion, or “not quite right-ness” during interaction with another. Next, each participant was interviewed about such a moment. Detailed info on this project coming soon.
Here, participant 0103A chose a moment to explore. Next, the participant with whom 0103A was referring to was then interviewed about her experience during this same moment (participant 0103B.)
Below is a video link of the movement session; the moment in question occurs approximately from 32:58 – 33:15. In the movement session video, 0103A is wearing a red sweatshirt, 0103B is wearing a dark tanktop. Also linked are videos of the subsequent interviews, with 0103A, then 0103B.
Below is a presentation of interview 0103A – highlighting the information I find compelling. Below this is the same presentation form for interview 0103B.
Regarding the form: I make sense of the unfolding experience by lightly dividing the overall moment into sub-phases. As you scroll down, reading phase 1, then phase 2, etc, you can get a sense of the chronological sequence of the overall moment.
During the interview process certain passages of the experience are repeated, several times. This process is a bit like rewinding a video tape; in each telling more details emerge about the experience. This additional information gathered about the same phase can be noted via reading this table from left to right (A, B, C, etc.)
Following the presentations of each individual interview, I present a side-by-side, sensation-based style of analysis about these interviews.
Phase 1 – “State of pre-contact into First Sensing Approach”
|I was in a really like kind of calm, flowy moment||in tune with what I needed to do…super calm, everything was… not super physical. Everything was very like, “ah.” Yeah, super simple. And all the movements just felt really easy and really nice and soft… I imagine like the inside of my chest, like the red fleshy color also..very soft…the fleshy bits inside are like sinking and melting…at the same time a bit of a spreading of energy…it kind of like melts but also on the inside…just a little point of something that goes like, “ahhh”…finds space…
really middle. But…I don’t feel it in my back…more in the front…it stays like really inside the rib cage…
…when I notice it I think that it goes a bit with the breath; that it moves also. Up and down…spread also
I had this image of my chest and then this kind of thing inside that’s more like yellowy, shiny…yeah, it’s yellow-like light thing.
|– Were your eyes open or shut…?
– When did you first sense me? Was it in touch, or before?
– A little bit before…
– …In seeing me did anything shift?
– …not instantly…a thought came up…I noticed it…of like, “Oh, she’s coming.” But I was still like in the same state… I think the whole approaching was fine. I was just with myself and I was, “Oh, ok, she’s coming.” I didn’t see a problem in it…
I remember it fast and playful…the chest really approaching…a lot of energy, a bit chaotic, child-like…arms just kind of like following
Phase 2 – “Split Second of First Contact”
|then you kind of like really caught me in a way, with a lot of energy.||…contact where you really…grabbed me…and then it was a mix of all kinds of things then…
– …did that split come up at the moment of touch? Or at the moment after, or?
– …a little bit after…but really split second after…I think that in the beginning it’s Ok.
Phase 3 – “Wanting/Not Wanting – Frozen”
|then I felt like…it really took me by surprise…my instinct is… I need to go with it, I need to do something with this. But I was like, “but I actually don’t really want to.” And that was a moment where I was, “aghhhhhh”, like stuck between these….it wasn’t really until the moment of contact that there was like this problem, I would say…||…it’s not like my state disappeared, it was still there…in a way I was completely fine with it. But then at the same time I felt like I wasn’t…so contstantly going between like, “Oh great, I can go with this” between like, “Ah, I don’t really want to.” And then nothing happened and it was just kind of frozen….only when I notice I don’t want to do something with this, or I don’t know what to do with it, then came a bit more panic of like, “augh”… little bit of surprise feeling…||the wanting to go with it and the not wanting to go with it…the wanting to go with it is like…still very calm and like you’re scanning your whole system for options in a way…you’re trying to be open so you’re like looking, like, “what can I do?”…soft and calm and more investigating
…the not wanting is very like rigid…suddenly very closed off…a bit more panicky and then you can’t think clearly anymore. Then there’s – it’s weird because there’s more happening in my mind I think, when I want to go with it. But it feels like when I don’t want to go with it it’s so much. But it’s actually not, it’s just one thought that’s like, “no, no, no, no, no.” that kind of takes everything over and you don’t allow anything else to come up and it becomes very like this panic where all clarity is gone and you’re a bit like, “dagh.”
|-…watching [you]…describe it, do you feel it more in your head?
– Yeah. For sure. I feel a kind of chaos in my head that really disconnects me from my body…I just feel like something bouncing all the way around [the head]…feels like there’s so many things up there but…I’m just sending noise into my brain that cancels out all the thoughts…I’m not even really thinking anything it’s just like, “dagh”, yeah…all over…super fast and also like more things at the same time…
it suddenly becomes less clear where my body is in a way, and how I can move it.
|…more on the inside…my energy before…I was very happy for it to come out. Then it was suddenly like, “no.”…I didn’t want to share it any more…so it was more an internal closing than a physical one…
– …how does it close?
– …everything more to the midline…
– this bodyscanning, did it stop? Or did it keep going on?
– I think it was still there.
Phase – working-editing
Phase 1 – “Seeing Her – Going Towards Her”
|I was moving around a lot and also talking, giving instruction…A particular feeling seeing Eva…her being in my perception and the intent towards her before [physical contact.]||Seeing her…her tonality…intaking the quality of her movement…very much like a pull…[around me] torso area. Not in a sense from her but…as though water’s going this way. Like following…a feeling of being magnetized in that direction…I saw her and then this feeling of [shwoough]. It was definately in front of me…sort of tingly in my skin…some sparkles of it throughout my torso but the main gust of it felt in front of me.||….magnetized. It definately didn’t feel like she was pulling me…if there was a net around me and the net was pulled that I would feel the reverberation of the net…feeling it as a torso – and real light. Not any thing significant…feeling a bit of myself going, “Oh, we’re going…”||…it didn’t feel like [the group was] in an open field. It felt like we were in a closed field…[I could] feel the others nearby but no sense of magnetism towards them…there’s a light string. Like a “Oh, …the trail is … not here.”
I was like, “Oh, I want to play with her.”
|There was some continuity…[the sequence is] like: being pulled, not quite sure, touching “sigh”, and then listening and like, “yeah-nugh.” And this kind of like “yea-nugh”…as this magnet pull is happening, there’s already some “yea-nugh” information there.
…the information, the sensations that I feel…a little bit of back-shoulder, not in the head at this time…there’s subtle…tension…I was already feeling a lot before I landed in touch..
|– Interviewer: how did you know you wanted to play with her?
– It feels like “burrrrrrrrrdhg, burrrrrrrrdhg, burrrrrrrrrrdhg!!”
– Was that feeling there at the same time as feeling pulled.
– [nods yes.]… this energy [the playfulness] was there pre-this-moment and remained throughout… had already been established… it was definitely upward but more like a trampoline. You also have to go down but the big action is upward…throughout [my body]….feeling it a bit..maybe a little bit past my skin too…
|in the approach it didn’t feel like the head was saying listen. It felt like the listening command had already been ignited…the listening was already happening and there was no relationship to head; I just felt it in the…places I was talking about.|
Phase 2 – “Landing”
|[I] wrapped my arms around her.||…physical contact felt in total continuity with my visual perception of it prior. It really matched…[a] luxerious tonality of capacity, supple…and strong at the same time…firm clay…feeling that through the areas [of my body] that were touching her…a sense of ease with myself…capacity and aliveness and ease. There wasn’t any particularly strong need for anything particular…a feeling of, “Oh, this is what it’s like to be in contact.”…||upon touch arrival it did feel like there was a moment of like, “Ahhhh.”…a moment of landing and being like “Here. Sigh.” …This “ahh” is more of this dropping down feeling; relaxing downwardly.||even coming into the touch, like I didn’t just like, “swooooump”. There was some, already caution… even in the approach and the landing.||simultaneity of things…the tension that was already there…brief moments where it…stopped in the relaxation…for a split second…and even the kid energy went like “suuugh” in the relaxation moment of landing.|
Phase 3 – “Listen!”
|[I was] having an abstract thought of “how is this?” to myself.||… simlutaneously…it felt like what we were doing was a bit awkward…in a very subtle way…it didn’t feel like we were in symbiosis or something. It felt like I’m trying something on her…and like tasting the reaction…there was an intention of that even going towards her…really comfortable with her…and comfortable with her capacity to take care of herself…I didn’t get the sense she was wanting to come play with me. I was like, “Ok, I’m gonna try playing with you. This doesn’t feel right but I’m gonna just feel it…like once I landed I’m like “Oh god, both of our bodies feel great…what I percieve of you feels really relaxed and I feel relaxed. And yet, this is weird.||interviewer: How did you know it was weird?
– …I feel a little bit of head movement … like, “doo bluuu bluuu bluuu”… weren’t super chaotic, this head sensation … moving kind of like, “shuuushuu..” and like a little bit of tension [in neck and head]…through my shoulders. And kind of on the backside. This sort of similar, this… tempo [of the head] … moving like sparkles…and also feeling muscle tension along with that kind of movingness.
|And then this pause that slipped into…more tense….abstract thought at that moment of like, “Listen.” I very much had the intent to listen after I landed… I didn’t stay in the like, “I’m going to like soak you up.” I landed and I was like, “ahh.” And then, “listen.”..And then the “listening”…kinda like picking back up again, going again more upright. and then as the listening happened…the tension in the back and shoulders and neck and head got louder. Or, like, the intensity turned up. Like, assessing…||the “listen” …feels like it’s coming from my head…this feeling of the head talking downwardly, like, “hey.”… like, “yea, yea, yea, this puppydog thing – chill the fuck out. Listen to this creature.”…the “listen” was like a self-command.||Like, I already knew to be listening…and then I landed and there was like this comfort, and then it was like, again, this renewal, this sharper like, “listen”…so, feeling the playfulness…and being like, “shhhh.” So it had this…muting…
the command to listen didn’t feel tense. The information that I heard felt tense…The command felt like, “shhh”…what I heard was like, “uggggghhh…”, which was the continuation of what I heard in the approach also.
|like the tension felt more related to “this isn’t right…there’s not an easy flow here…this person doesn’t want to play with me…they’re doing something else.”…I felt…her body got maybe like a micro-meter tense or still. And I felt a similarness in me…and that moment felt like it was longer. All the other moments felt faster. And this phase, the act of listening, rather than the command to listen, felt like it was like awhile…it felt like it kept being this tension, rather still…|
Phase 4 – “Departure/Separation”
|when it felt like…she [was] moving away, letting go.||…and then she was moving a bit and then – there was some kind of like waiting-for-her-to-move-away. Like, I decided I was going to stay here already…like, “I’m waiting here ’til I don’t know what. Unless I know that she’s trying to leave.” And then I felt her…trying to leave…as soon as I felt her trying to leave being like, “ok, cool.”…I actually felt her move away and I feel like those sensations were in the arms first…
her overall…supple, it remained…
|…it didn’t feel like there was an axe to [the seperation]…some like…feeling her still and then not, in the really quick separation…
it was like a, like, “I release you from my attention. You’re doing something else. Ok.” and really just instantly letting her go – it just didn’t feel like an axe…
like a: “ok, bye” – shhhhhhuhhhht – gone. So it took this whole – this much space [approximately one full arm length]…
Yeah, once I got here, then I felt out of contact with her. Which felt, uh, there was like open air then around me…the little kid returning, the “brruuuuughhh…” – just real easy shift.
Description of Location-Region Sensed Within/Including the Boundary of the Skin
|– I imagine like the inside of my chest, like the red fleshy color…fleshy bits inside
– on the inside…just a little point of something
– really middle. But…I don’t feel it in my back…more in the front…it stays like really inside the rib cage…
– image of my chest and then this kind of thing inside that’s more like yellowy, shiny…yeah, it’s yellow-like light thing.
– there’s more happening in my mind…I feel…in my head… I’m just sending noise into my brain that cancels out all the thoughts
-disconnects me from my body… less clear where my body is in a way, and how I can move it.
|my skin……my torso
– a little bit of back-shoulder, not in the head at this time…
– throughout [my body]
Description of Location-Region Sensed Beyond the Boundary of the Skin
|– I remember [the other’s approach] fast and playful…the chest really approaching…a lot of energy, a bit chaotic, child-like…arms just kind of like following||feeling of [shwoough]. It was definately in front of me…
– feeling it a bit..past my skin too…
Description of Movement Qualities Sensed
|– calm, flowy… not super physical…like, “ah.”…super simple…really easy and really nice and soft
– sinking and melting…at the same time a bit of a spreading of energy…it kind of like melts
– like, “ahhh”…finds space…
– it goes a bit with the breath; that it moves also. Up and down…spread also
– like stuck between
– And then nothing happened and it was just kind of frozen.
– wanting to go with it is like…still very calm
– scanning…whole system for options…trying to be open…soft and calm and more investigating
– not wanting is very like rigid…suddenly very closed off…a bit more panicky
– can’t think clearly …a kind of chaos
– something bouncing all the way around …feels like there’s so many things…super fast and also like more things at the same time…
-my energy before…I was very happy for it to come out… suddenly like, “no.”… it was more an internal closing than a physical one…
– …how does it close?
– …everything more to the midline…
|very much like a pull… torso area. Not in a sense from her but…as though water’s going this way. Like following…a feeling of being magnetized in that direction
– tingly …some sparkles…real light. Not any thing significant
– “burrrrrrrrrdhg, burrrrrrrrdhg, burrrrrrrrrrdhg!!”…it was definitely upward but more like a trampoline. You also have to go down but the big action is upward
– listening command had already been ignited
Description of Other Qualities Sensed
|– image of my chest and then this kind of thing inside that’s more like yellowy, shiny…yeah, it’s yellow-like light thing.
– you…caught me in a way, with a lot of energy.
– took me by surprise
– I need to go with it, I need to do something with this. But I was like, “but I actually don’t really want to.”… I was, “aghhhhhh”… panic of like, “augh”… little bit of surprise feeling…
– just one thought that’s like, “no, no, no, no, no.” that kind of takes everything over …don’t allow anything else to come up and it becomes very like this panic where all clarity is gone…a bit like, “dagh.”
|myself going, “Oh, we’re going…”
– some “yea-nugh” information.
next TABLE – side by side of 0103A and 0103B
1. – felt-sense within/including boundary of the skin
2. felt sense outside of bou…
WORKING NOTES: FINISH LISTENING TO EVA (APX 20?)
– FINNISH HER FORM.
– ADD HER REMAINING TO ANALYSIS
– MY ANALYSIS PHASE 1 IS DONE.
chest – relationship of confusion and autonomic survival response – movement always present.
“Perhaps there is more sense in our nonsense and more nonsense in our ‘sense’ than we would care to believe.” – David Bohm