aaaa – classic edit – neuro research interests/notes for future studies

* ideas while studying chemistry – solids denser than liquids. exceptions like ice less dense than liquid water. the hydrogen bond in a crystal keeps h2O molecules farther apart than in liquid form. = when we feel emotionally distand we oft use words like ‘cold’ to describe this. is the universally human? (like, is it still the same for inuits/finnish/sami/patagonian compared with equitorial cultures…)? how does/if it relate to moleculs of frozen h2o being spatially more distant than liquid (warmer) h2o? does this form of sensing we have (describing peeps/places as warmer/colder) reflect an ability to sense – on sooome level – micro changes in molecular relationships?

* thought after work/podcasts?: i was thinking about avoidance. and the various types that can take. then i starting thinking about if i am doing something such as eating – food creates something of a force field. it can be – not always, but often for me – similar to talking to someone with sunglasses on. eating creates something of an extra layer of protection from that which is too much for my system to process. (i suspect that all addiction is about needing a barrior because whatever challenging thing is there is currently too much for you-the-organism.) i want to see if i can measure anything empirically about when i feel protected. like, the feeling i have when i put on sunglasses, does the air space around me change in any measurable way??

* I heard “somatic brandname so-and-so” and thought – “ah, thats more bullshit ala “this is the only way”, “THIS way works with your neurology.” I heard trademarking. what im saying is, EVERYTHING contributes to shifting you. you learn what you do/how you do it. I do not feel confident in teaching movement in any specific sequence. I believe we need variety. but i also do not know what to do when someone has an injury. I dont wanna be a movement specialist.

*i want to do neuroscience as it relates to movement. what to study about martin? what is going on inside of expert clown monks? comparing me (non-expert) and him (expert)?

– martin 1 – there are certain kinds of ‘working’ that i have made myself do in the past – i made myself practice music for several hours a day. i made myself dance for several hours a day. but when i listen inward, to how my autonomic/intuition system feels, it is always saying that i need to rest. i dont feel i’ll ever be able to work as hard as ‘highly skilled’ dancers do, in terms of hours, mental focus, and physical exertion. these 3 things. mental focus doesnt make me panic – but if i imagine doing mindful work such as doing an hour of noticing my body (diy felden style) then i hear an internal bracing against it. if i imagine just resting, doing nothing in particular and/or breath-only notice, i feel calm. (tho, if i told myself i had to be there for 3 hours i might get a bit nervous/bracey.) theres some association of ‘hard work’ with panic. i feel-think that this is the way lots of peoples’ systems are. i notice a very high correlation with high ace people, that we share this.

i suspect that there is something to these internal alarm bells. on one hand, it keeps many-of-us from achieving much in terms of outward skills (we are addicts, lack self confidence – any combo of such things that often equate to unhealthy romances, no money, problematic behaviors, no job success. mind you, this is not the case for high acers – and MANY factors here also correlate with systemic oppression.) on another hand, we high-acers are often excellent at internal skills (such as – we can tell if anyone in the room is even just 1% un-pleased with something. to clarify, this often has not-helpful behaviors/conclusions/thinking attached to it. my point, only, is that the sensitivity itself is super keen. it is a kind of super power – much like people diagnosed as ‘on an autistic spectrum’ have many super powers).

one research question might be, what is going on with these alarms bells? another might be, if i can show via quantifiable data that there IS something happening in us which prevents us from being able to ‘work hard’ like these movement-movement people, then maybe this data can help protect us from when teachers say shit like, ‘your work ethic is terrible’.

imagine there is a piano piece that is written for two hands and a student only has one hand. if they are not able to play some of what is written, would you tell them ‘your work ethic is terrible’? i think it is like this for some people – there is something not-visable-to-the-eyes going on inside of some of us which keeps our capacity for certain type of work very low.

i also want to find data for what we are doing very well – that is, soooo much of our system has to work so hard to be so socially-sensitive, i want to show the data on this sort of thing. to say, look, if we compared our scores on this sort of sensitivity test, others might ‘see’ us.

put another way: I want to quantify that EVERYONE IS WORKING EQUALLY HARD. and that what some people are working hard on does not translate to “visible skill”. (ie i speculate that a person whose system is in hypervigalence mode is working as hard as martin. they (their entire system) is just working on different things. another way to ask this as a research question is, can i find how to quantify where each organism’s energy-resources are being poured?

– this work helps conversations of neurodiversity. developing this language (with some quantitative aids) can help move western ideology away from dsm/disorders, TOWARDS identifying what superpowers people DO have (and where their comprehension/motor control/etc struggle-areas are.) Can we bring the conversation to how people excel, equally weighted with how they struggle? (this reminds me of job/career aptitude tests or personality tests. hmm, what if you go in to the drs and they do an eeg or whatever for all the body in relation to understanding your sensory/motor organism cognition. and so you get a quantitative data sheet. this sheet tells you – where you excel (like hearing, sensing, vibe read, etc) and where you have trouble “making sense” (can you read the room? etc.) For each area where they struggle, offer a list of improvement techniques. aka go to a relational somatic class, etc. Can this lead us TOWARDS PRECISION EDUCATION/LEARNING +/or MENTAL HEALTH?!

BAR EXAM – Utilize research towards making a sort of Bar Exam for somatic practioners – each state/region has a different one but they are similar and the term is known. in this way, it doesnt matter what school you hail from, or if its a known school or your own conglomeration – once you pass the bar, you are certified. Each bar to be made must be culturally varied.

when you maintain a low(?) beta wave/awareness of your body, your entire system works better. aka sensing your body regulates thoughts and emotions. (this is a gross exaggeration of cathy kerrs research talk.) she also mentioned that tai chi practitioners have a “better sense of touch” – you can take a math test and it places you in a the appropriate level of math. can’t we make a test that places people on a (culturally aware) scale of what they are skilled at? we can check peoples’ hearing, vision. can we make tests for their own-body being touched and for their skill level of listening to non-verbal communication when touching another. can we make a test for when people are spending all their energy on micro analyzing their environment (hyper vigilance). etc, etc. (this is like other entries here). also, like an IQ test lets you know some info… my hope with this one is a few fold: one that such tests can let you know what sort of practitioner you are going to go see – a person would not need so-and-so certificate form x-brand association. rather, they would show you their scores. are they an “expert”? in some things, yes. in other things, not so much. – I COULD actually start designing such tests as related to body-mind/somatic practitioning. THIS would really help make learning and then practitioning accessible. AND it would make it cross-culturally valid. aka if you grow up and yer nature/nurutre makes you especially good at math – you can show that via taking tests. you would not need x brand certificate.ALSO, this idea could bring thinking (in general) more around to a valuing a variety of skills – rather than looking up to those who have skills that are obvious to see (piano talent) or because they are charisma/lucky/systemic bias benefitters.

nature! how does being in nature change us? our ability to “make sense of the world”; what skills are enhanced, what are decreased?

anything to do with somatic sexuality – this could maybe be combined with understanding how implicit sense making/healing happens?

how sarcasm-ribbing-and jokes that enforce stereotypes/irony – effect people quantitatively/qualitatively + SBI. (reference: why does mishas humor feel so horrible.)

hmm… maybe there are already science studies out there that have quantitative evidence for what i want. keep considering! – use the study group to find this out.

i want to learn about why it feels so wrong to be near people when they are vibe raping you (sh, laura, eugene, why does what they do feel so bad? and who does it not feel bad for? and in those cases, whats going on inside of those people – quantitatively (with sbi). even in low key ways – WHAT is going on when i am around someone that it feels like they are trying to pry into me = sucking at the teet of my essential life force. ** I think i could study this via memory. since our physiology responds to people via memory imagination, then thats what i could study in a lab. a tricky thing will be – or can i simultaneously study – how to process and not process the memory. something like: in the first group, round one – put on sensors in the usual suspect places (what can i test of the infamous vagus and/or enteric and/or para/sympathetic systems and especially frontal chest area, lungs? neck shoulders amygdala.) then do an sb interview with those sensors on – asking them to remember a person with whom they have felt this phenomenon. then, in the second round move the sensors to the places they highlighted in sb interview. for the second group add an allowing dance therapy session? or… its tricky cuz i feel that the sb interview itself does help process the difficult-tension of feeling like your energy is being sucked. last, can i study the other person?

SB as flag to quantitative – WHY DOES IS FEEL LIKE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES ARE CONTAGIOUS!? i mean, i believe it IS. in the way that we are continuously informing one anothers’ organism – can an investigation start to highlight what is going on when this feeling strikes? if we can figure out some physiological points, we might be able to do what happens in a hospital – like knowing that putting on latex gloves allows you to touch/work with infected tissue, this study might help us learn what gloves to put on so that people with mental health issues can be supported without infecting others. (they are treated rather like lepers in everyday society.)

sensory processing issues- sepd – dyssemia – noverbal learning issues. i see all of these related to what is called “autism”, as well as directly related to US cultural construction of masculinity. i am interested in INTERVENTIONS (practices to help them not run into social conflict/walls/bad feeling situations all the fucking time.) also, im interested in but dont particularly want to focus my own research on: the unfolding science of non-binary gender -AND- other physiological/microbiome factors that interact with cultural environment and spatial environment prevalent in people with social conflict propensity.

similar, different focus – how we change one another. what is going on in each of our physiologies when we are influencing one another. and/or in particular when one is undergoing a paradigm shift.

i am a hack in that i dont practice for long hours each day – either in mindfulness nor in movement training, nor in nature sit spotting. i see that when people do, it shows.

when one is learning implicitly, what lights up? (this could also be the me/martin question). when one is undergoing healing or “school” type learning, what is going on with the feeling of being un-moored? what qunatitative markers indicate shifting? what markers indicate that feeling you get when you have learned something in your bones/trauma has been “resolved”.

how to study somatic modalities both more specifically and more broadly. aka – get as specific as possible about what a practitioner/participant is doing when engaging in somatic learning/healing. AND FUCK trademark names (whether it be SE of tai chi). My goal here is to DOCUMENT WHAT-HOW happens during various “somatic” therapies/practices. what are the commonalities between various current studies of felden, tai chi, hatha, SE, etc? is there a way that I can get at a study which points to WHAT HAPPENS regardless the official name?

(and my learning disorder which anxiety prevents me from soaking into my bones. it literally feels like there is a barrior inside of me, preventing some styles of learning (music, choreography) from sinking into my bones. how does it work to sink into my bones?   developing metacognition – holding in mind that another has their own mindbody-perspective. how to teach this? whats a good sequence to develop? make SHEET from research – how to get detailed sensation description Play party like no other – heres my dream it starts all together. no late arrivals. you can leave and come back, no worry. all get blindfolded sensory vibe speed date – if you dont like the vibe of someone you have a NO for them specifically. moreover, no energetic raping. aka if someone says no to you, if you are seen staring at them, or otherwise entering their psychich spiritual space you will be asked to leave. this is my way of knowing there is no way to have a straightish party without lechy dudes showing up. this is how to deal with it. ques: how to do the yes/no coding – numbers or names. you only have to learn your own. if your name is on them, good to go. if not, no go. or color coded bracelets. NO TALKing??